We recently asked our followers on Twitter (http://twitter.com/#!/thesufferfest) and Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/thesufferfest) if they’ve ever been to Sufferlandria and if they could tell us a little bit about it. It seems to be a popular destination. You all have paid a visit to the land of misery, suffering and increasing speed. Here’s what we found out (thanks to everyone who submitted and keep ’em coming!)
…the locals think “go to hell” is a vacation.
…everyone’s middle name is IWBMATTKYT.
…Sufferlandrians only have 2 speeds: stop and anything above lactate threshold.
…Sufferlandrian Airlines checks suitcases of courage free of charge.
…the wedding day tradition includes the exchange of rings. BIG RINGS!
…GDP is Gross Domestic Pain.
…lives an old man who claimes he once rode with a tailwind, but nobody believes him.
…border control will let you in, but you’ll never get out….
…the accepted male greeting is a firm handhake, the phrase “Have you suffered today?”, followed by a swift knee to the groin.
…nobody can walk up stairs
…political party affiliations are identified by team jerseys and elections are determined by time trials.
…everyone can hear you scream.
…no one sleeps, they just get a 2:00 min recovery every now and then.
…every road leads to a Bike Torture Chamber
…the national bird is the Vulture.
…the men are men. And so are the women!
…citizens live in caves. Pain caves!
….in all other countries, taxes are a pain, in Sufferlandria, PAIN IS THE TAX.
….Bike Roads have a Car Lane
…intervals are based on Escher’s optical illusions of never-ending staircases that always go upward!
…every road goes up and the wind is always in your face.
…they like to give you bonus intervals and make you suffer even more.
…there is no government…it’s a cruel dictatorship.
…pride heals but pain endures!
…Sufferlandrians don’t get road rash. The road gets Sufferlandrian rash.
…there is no hydro-electric utility….all electricity is generated by teams of peasants on turbo trainers 24/7.
…the national anthem is your heart beat in your ears after completing a workout/an ominous drum/Berloiz Requiem.
…the primary exported commodity is refined lactic acid.
…the government is trying to avoid any form of recovery.
…the headwind is so strong that the descents are tougher thna the climbs.
…the government proudly displays its torture chambers, rather than hiding them from citizens
…the government is proud to anounce suffering has increased by 25% in the first quarter of 2011.
…the Special Forces are chosen by completing every Sufferfest video in immediate succession. For a month.
…cars fear bicycle traffic.
…bikes ride you.
…the local currency is pain.
…one of the cities, Lacticacidonia, has a statue of Jens Voigt guarding the main gate. He’s grimacing in pain.
…there are no flights out of Sufferlandria, you have to ride your bike over the Sufferlandrian Alps.
…flights INTO Sufferlandria are powered by passengers riding turbo trainers.