SUFFERLANDRIAN NATIONAL TEAM GEAR

You’re not like the others. You are capable of beating yourself into the earth so deeply that you might as well carry on through the other side. You’re a Sufferlandrian. Our National Team Kit is made from thread taken from Sufferlandrian Silkworms high on top of Mt. IWBMATTKYT. It’s then spun by Sufferlandrian Maidens under the watchful eyes of skilled quality control minions. Once assembled, it’s blessed with a Chamois Dance by Grunter Von Agony, Sufferlandrian National Team Director Sportif. We are EXTREMELY proud of the exceptionally quality of this gear. All kit is shipped to you stuffed full of an endless supply of Badassness.

  • Return policy: Return within 15 days, unworn and with tags and bag intact for a full refund or size exchange.
  • We ship on Mondays from Singapore. It normally takes 10-14 days from then to get to most places on Earth.

FREE SHPPPING (Yes, Free!) WORLD WIDE ON ALL ORDERS (except t-shirts)!!!

T-SHIRTS

Sufferlandria Souvenir T-Shirts

So you’ve been visiting Sufferlandria. Everybody knows that from the size of your legs. But what about when people can’t see your legs? What then? You want to be mistaken for a non-Sufferlandrian? Our Sufferlandrian T-shirts were going to be made out of barbed wire, but we used it all for our new line of saddle covers. If you want these luxury t-shirts, well, you can’t buy them here. You can only get them at the Apres Velo website >>

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DARKSIDE KIT - ONE BUYER PER CITY

Stand out from the crowd. This is our National Team Kit in a special ‘Darkside’ design available to only to one person in any town. The Darkside package includes:

  • Jersey: Champion Systems high-end CS Air PRO. Close-fit lycra sleeves, stretchable mesh side panels, flat-tech stitching, full length zipper and 3 long main rear pockets. Super light — like darkness.
  • Bibshorts (men’s) or Shorts (women’s): Champion Systems Endurance Chamois, Mesh Bibs, Radio pocket, gripper dot legs.
  • Free decal set!
  • Sizing: See graphic in photos for sizing information. You can order different size jersey and bibs by indicating during check-out.

Darkside is not for everyone. There are rules.

  •  Only sold if you have at least 10 Sufferfest videos (if you order and we find you have not bought at least 10 videos, we will void and refund your purchase immediately).
  • Will not be sold to more than one Sufferlandrian in any place. If you order and we see that someone else from your city has already ordered, we will void and refund your purchase immediately. We judge city by the name of the city on the mailing label. If it’s something different than what’s in the list behind the link below, you’re good to go Darkside.

For the full list of towns that are already taken by Darksiders (we can not sell Darkside to anyone living in these towns), please click here now.

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$274.99 -- -- FREE shipping worldwide

Socks

Let there be no mistaking it. They are Suffering on your wheel because you are a Sufferlandrian. While your legs churn mercilessly, they will stare and memorise the IWBMATTKYT mantra. The desperate realisation they will be dropped sets in. You’ll not likely remember them, as they are just another in the thousands you leave behind, but they will never forget you.

  • Produced by cult cycling brand Apres Velo
  • Classic, long length sock.
  • Perfect match with our kit in the Sufferlandrian National Colours of red, white and black.
  • Bold IWBMATTKYT down the back and the shield from our National Coat of Arms running across the top of the foot.
  • High-tech fabrication helps ensure compression benefits with a fabric of 54% Coolmax , 21% Polypropylene, 11% Polyamide, 8% Elastane  and 6% Polypropylene siltex.

Sizing:

Length of foot….      ….Size

25-27 cm/9.8-10.6 in  = 5-7
28-30 cm/11-11.8 in = 8-10
31-33 cm/12.2-12.9 in = 11-13

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$15.99 USD + FREE Shipping

NATIONAL TEAM JERSEY

You needn’t say how you’ve been training. The design of our Sufferlandrian National Team jersey speaks for itself. Our national motto: IWBMATTKYT makes a discreet statement on the left chest and back of the collar to let everyone know you’ve been beating some ass lately. ‘SUFFER’ and ‘OBEY’ on each shoulder leave no room for doubt on how you’ll treat this training session.

This jersey is super-light and designed for warm-weather comfort. It’s made by Champion Systems and features side mesh panels and luxurious flat lock stitching. Three deep pockets in the rear are adorned with the Sufferlandrian National Flag. Class.

 

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$79.99 -- FREE shipping worldwide

NATIONAL TEAM BIBSHORTS

Our bibshorts are black, with white sides and a red back. ‘The Sufferfest’ features on the sides and the Bleeding Eyes on the back serves as a mirror to the rider behind you. A discreet ‘Everybody Hurts’ on the back of the right leg offers a degree of sympathy to, and solidarity with, others.

The material choices are world-class. The fabrics provide a cool and comfortable feel with the same lightweight mesh as on the jersey sides for the bibs themselves. The chamois is Champion Systems famous quality, with a seamless, 3-layer, 4-way stretch, air-channeled pad. The thighs end with silicon gel dot gripper bands so they’re not riding up when you’re dropping it into the big ring.

Men’s bibs have a ‘communications’ rear pocket as a pro touch, allowing you to stow your iPhone or race radio with ease.

Women’s shorts without bibs.

GALLERY

$84.99 -- FREE shipping worldwide

Sufferlandrian National Champion's Jersey

When the peloton goes by, you can see them. The National Champions. They stand out from all the riders wearing standard issue kit. They are resplendent.  The national colours wrapped around their torsos remind you of the glory of their nation. They ARE their nation. And they are badass because THEY WON. Other riders look on in envy. They, too, wish they could stand out. That they could stand for something. That they could represent their country in a way that few ever do.

Our Sufferlandrian National Champion’s Jersey. The Red, White and Black wrapped around the torso. The Bleeding Eyes looking out from the chest. Honour and Glory on the arms. Sufferlandria on the back. Mesh sides, lycra sleeves, full length zip, three long rear pockets. If you’ve ever suffered and won anything in your life, whether it was a race, a personal best over your favourite training road or a sprint to the top of Alpe d’Huez against Alberto Contador, then this is the jersey for you.

RACE CUT : IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT  TIGHT, ORDER ONE SIZE BIGGER.

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$89.99 -- -- FREE shipping worldwide

NATIONAL TEAM WINDVEST

There was that time, when you had broken away on the Galibier. You had, what, two minutes on the chasers? You crossed the summit alone. Glory waited in the valley for you with open arms. And so you went over the other side. Descending like flowing water. You forgot about the wind and the cold that day, didn’t you? But they didn’t forget you.

If only you had a Sufferfest vest with you then…you never would have frozen up, you never would have got caught, you never would have asked your director to pry your hands from your bars as you collapsed in tears.

Don’t let it happen again. The Sufferfest Wind Vest not only rhymes conveniently, but is made by our friends at Champion Systems, official gear of Sufferlandria. In stunning black with ‘fest logo on the front and sides with the acronym that means so much to us all – IWBMATTKYT – on the back. This is seriously PRO. It packs up small so it fits in your rear pocket when you don’t need it. The front keeps every little draft out, while the high collar keeps you comfortable. Full length zip with zipper puller. A mesh back lets the heat out and a zippered slot allows you to reach in and access your jersey pockets.

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$69.99 -- -- FREE shipping worldwide

NATIONAL TEAM TRIATHLON

Among those who like to swim, bike and run, nothing strikes fear into the heart of competitors quite like the sight of a Sufferlandrian emerging from the water. Perhaps the only thing more frightening is the sight of said Sufferlandrian throwing down the power on the bike.

Our Sufferlandrian National Team Trisuit, made by our partners Champion Systems, includes:

  • 3/4 invisible zipper
  • Seamless, quick-dry pad – perfect for cycling and doesn’t get in the way of your running
  • Superb silicon gripper legs
  • Champion’s dry feel, water-repellent stretch fabric
  • Unlimited supply of badassness

GALLERY

$114.99 -- -- FREE shipping worldwide

NATIONAL TEAM SKINSUIT

It’s like bringing a machine gun to a knife fight. The Sufferlandrian National Team Skinsuit, made by Champion Systems, is one fast piece of equipment. This suit combines the aerodynamics of a skinsuit with the breathability of a jersey, making it the perfect suit for longer events.

  • The entire upper and short side panels are made from exclusive CS Tech Mesh, a breatheable stretch mesh fabric for increased ventilation. Fantastic for hot weather. Looks amazing, too.
  • Two rear pockets and an interior pocket up by the neck.
  • Superb leg grippers with Champion’s unique dot gripper technology.

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CLOSEOUT! @$139.99 -- REG $169! - WHILE SUPPLIES LAST-- FREE shipping worldwide

Winter Jacket

It’s cold outside, but you’ve got some ass kicking to do. Our absolutely stunning Sufferlandrian National Team jacket is perfect for your late fall and early winter rides. When it’s between 17c/62f and 10c/50f, we wear it with a normal jersey underneath. From 9c/48f to 0c/32f, we wear it with a long sleeve base layer and jersey. Below that, you really should be training indoors to the Sufferfest.

Made by Champion System, it features a Thermoshield front – that’s a three-layer, wind-proof, fleece-lined front that keeps the wind and chill out. The rest of the jacket is lined with Tech-Fleece, which is soft and warm on the inside and smooth on the outside. Obey and Suffer on the shoulders and large IWBMATTKYTs on the lower sleeves let everyone know why you’re out in such ferocious temperatures. Three long rear pockets.

 

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$129.99 -- -- FREE shipping worldwide

IWBMATTKYT ARM WARMERS

Through the mist and down the descent, across the valley. Now the pace has picked up. The cool air that they’ve protected you from gives way. And there is the moment on the ride when you start to roll these down. They come to a rest around your wrists. It’s then that the rest of the group knows you mean business. It’s IWBMATTKYT time.

Our Sufferlandrian National Team Arm Warmers are made for us exclusively by Champion Systems. Featuring all lycra construction and a special ‘dot’ gripper technology to hold them firmly in place on your upper arms. Unlimited Badassness included.

GALLERY

$28.99 -- -- FREE shipping worldwide

Bleeding Eyes Rain Jacket

The the rain comes down. The rain jackets come on. The Sufferlandrian Team Car drives up. Hands you your rain jacket.

Unlike clear rain jackets of the past our clear rain jacket not only stops the rain and wind from getting in, but it’s BREATHABLE.  The entire jacket has bonded seams, rather than the traditional sewn seams which can leak and let in drafts. Mesh underarms. Bleeding Eyes featured on the upper right chest.The result?  Increased circulation and improved comfort. Scrunches up really small so it fits in a pocket. You win. The weather loses. So do the non-Sufferlandrians.

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ON CLEARANCE @ $59.99! REG $89.99 --WHILE SUPPLIES LAST -- FREE shipping worldwide

Cycling Cap

Over in the corner of the team bus, a rider gets ready. Team kit slipped on. Shoes cleaned and tightened. And as the rider heads out of the bus and over to the stage for sign-in, one last essential item is picked up and slipped on. The Sufferfest Bleeding Eyes cap. IWBMATTKYT on the back and bill, and the Bleeding Eyes on the front. Pulled down low, the rider makes his way to the stage. The crowd parts. Gasps. Here is, surely, the favourite.

Our cap is made by our partners at Champion System.  Four panels and one size fits all. Black and white. The graphics are sublimated – not screen printed. So they’re not going to fade or peel, even if you throw it in the washer again and again. They’re there for the life of the hat. Which is a very long time, indeed.

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$14.99 - -- FREE shipping worldwide

Bleeding Eyes Hoodie

In casual settings, amongst non-Sufferlandrians, its appropriate to be discreet. This will attract curious stares. Sufferlandrians will recognize you as one of their own, and nod approvingly. Non-Sufferlandrians will wonder furtively and look away when your gaze catches theirs. Our Bleeding Eyes hoodie, made by Champion System, has the beautiful Bleeding Eyes embroidered on the upper right chest.  It’s perfect for coffee shops, lounging around the service course, getting your team debriefing before the race start or doing alpine climb recon. Made from a heavy warm fleece material and with a ribbed bottom for a perfect fit. Two side pockets. A clever collar inside the hood keeps drafts out at chilly start villages.

THIS WILL SERIOUSLY BE THE MOST COMFORTABLE HOODIE YOU EVER OWN. INCREDIBLE QUALITY.

 

GALLERY

$84.99 -- -- FREE shipping worldwide

PERSONALISED SUFFERLANDRIAN DECALS

It’s time to show the world that, no matter what country you currently live in, you are a Sufferlandrian Expatriate. VeloInk and The Sufferfest have teamed up to bring you a special edition set of personalized Top Tube Ink so that you and your ride can show where you really come from – SUFFERLANDRIA!
VeloInk decals are made of ultra premium vinyl that is generally reserved for high end vehicle graphics. They are built to withstand years of mud, sweat and abuse. Each set includes 8 personalized decals and 2 “Sufferlandrian” decals, measuring .5″ tall, and up to 4″ long.
VeloInk will email you a proof within 24 hours to ensure that your order is correct. Please allow 7-10 days processing.

COST IS $18 USD. Shipping is $2 per order in the U.S. and $3 per order for international.
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You can buy these directly from the VeloInk website right here: http://www.veloink.com/collections/frontpage/products/the-sufferfest-ink

SUFFERLANDRIAN PATRIOTISM PACK

SHOW YOUR NATIONAL COLOURS

Pride in one’s country. Our Sufferlandrian Patriotism pack allow you to show the world where you come from. The pack includes:

NATIONAL FLAG: Measuring 150x90cm (3ft by 5ft), it’s big enough to tie to a big, big stick and fly high above the crowd when you’re next along the roadside at the Tour of Flanders or Paris-Rouabix. Or the wall in your Bike Torture Chamber. Or your living room as a conversation piece when guests come round. Two grommets for running up flagpoles.

DECAL PACK: Four high quality decals made of 3m material. They go on easy, stay put and come off without leaving any residue.

SUFFER FLAG: The Minions wave this at people all the time. Now you can too. Two grommets for tying to large sticks or poles.

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$29.99 -- FREE shipping worldwide

Holy Water Towel

** TAKING PRE-ORDERS NOW. TOWELS WILL SHIP 20th OF MAY ***

It’s not sweat. It’s Sufferlandrian Holy Water. And it’s not a towel, it’s an instrument for soaking up your Suffering and converting Couchlandrians. The official Sufferlandrian Holy Water towel as designed by Apres Velo.

  • Big enough to drape over your handlebars — 35cm by 60cm. Probably also the right size for rolling up and flogging Minions.
  • BLACK with WHITE and RED embroidered text and Bleeding Eyes logo. Classy Badassness!
  • Thick enough to soak up plenty of Holy Water — 100% cotton terry fabric.

 

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$19.99 -- FREE SHIPPING! (PRE-ORDER NOW - SHIPS 20th MAY!)

Save BIG: All 16 videos - $158.99!!!

Our best value package! Save a whopping $43 and get ALL 16 of our videos for $158.99 USD instead of $202! You’ll have everything from longer, threshold workouts to super high-intensity, short intervals – and everything in-between. Perfect if you like a lot of variety (and suffering) in your workouts.

3 Video Starter Kit - $31.99

New to Sufferlandria and not sure where to start? Our Starter Pack includes three essential videos: 1. The Downward Spiral: Short, sharp and ultra-high-intensity intervals. 2. Angels: Long climbs with brutal attacks and 3. The Long Scream: A 30:00 time trial requiring maximum concentration. Save $4 off the regular price.

Email Gift Certificates - $13.99/ea

Our gift certificates are good for a free Sufferfest individual video. Once you order, we’ll email you a code and a certificate (in .pdf format) which you can inflict…er, give to your loved one. Want to give more suffering? Just order more than one certificate and we’ll send you multiple codes. Want to give our 16 pack of videos for $158.99? Click here to buy a 16 pack code.

Road & Cyclocross Training Plans - $29.99/ea

Our 10 week training plans are easy-to-follow and get maximum results in minimum time. With a combination of Sufferfest video sessions and outdoor rides, you’ll never wonder what kind of ride to do again. Only $29.99 and you save 10% on all required videos at check-out.  See them here >>