There is little doubt that after the inaugural 2013 Tour of Sufferlandria, the race firmly established itself as one of the most difficult Grand Tours in the world.
With thousands of participants pushing themselves to the limit in order to complete the 9-day event last year, race director and Sufferlandrian local hero, Grunter Von Agony, again had the task of creating a truly challenging route. “Lava. Na, ja, obvious we had to include a visit to Mt. Sufferlandria and the lava fields,” said GvA at the official route presentation. “But, please, lava alone does not make bike race difficult. Although we not visit all corners of Sufferlandria, we have route that with strong emphasis on PAIN, MISERY and AGONY. Despair will also feature, yes, and too so hopelessness. For the strong, many, many opportunities for COURAGE appear across route.”
Ensuring the route lived up to its ‘EPIC’ billing, GvA enlisted the help of American Racing Legends Davis Phinney and Connie Carpenter Phinney as Honorary Race Directors. “Davis and I have had our share of suffering and some epic races,” said Connie. “Davis raced over the Gavia pass in the snow with Andy Hampsten and Bob Roll in the 1988 Giro d’Italia. He suffered extreme heat exhaustion in the 1990 Tour de France but soldiered on to the finish in Paris. Davis is a two-time Tour de France stage winner and we both raced – and medaled – before a captive audience of almost half a million people in the 1984 Olympics but nothing — NOTHING! — compares to the Tour of Sufferlandria.”
ROUTE (More details at end of page)
Stage 1 (25th Jan): Rubber Glove
Stage 2 (26th): ISLAGIATT
Stage 3 (27th): Revolver
Stage 4 (28th): Hell Hath No Fury
Stage 5 (29th): Extra Shot + The Wretched
Stage 6 (30th): AVDP
Stage 7 (31st): Angels + The Hunted
Stage 8 (1st): Blender
Stage 9: (2nd): Violator
HOW TO ‘ENTER’
Simply commit to following the route schedule on the days specified below and ride yourself into the ground each day from the (relative) comfort of your own home. You don’t have to fill out forms or register anywhere.
THIS IS NOT A RACE. This is a challenge of Suffering. It’s about you, your ability to endure 9 days of Suffering and the HONOR, GLORY and personal VICTORY that comes with it.
PARTNER + PRIZES
Participants in the ToS are asked to make a voluntary donation to the Davis Phinney Foundation for Parkinsons. If you do, you’ll be eligible for some amazing prizes.
**** CHANCES FOR PRIZE POOL ARE NOW CLOSED. YOU ARE WELCOME TO DONATE MORE, BUT DONATIONS WILL NOT COUNT TOWARD PRIZE POOL *****
This year, there are TWO LEVELS of prizes:
- The DONOR Prize Pool is for ALL riders who make a donation of at least $10 USD to the Davis Phinney Foundation. You do NOT need to prove that you’ve completed all the stages to be eligible, but, as a Sufferlandrian, we just trust you will do it. There is no try.
- The DONOR+TRAINER ROAD Pool is an additional set of incredible prizes for all those who make a donation AND complete the ENTIRE ToS on TrainerRoad.
Here is how it works:
- To be eligible for any prizes, donate at least $10 USD to the Davis Phinney Foundation.
- For every $10 you donate, you get 1 chance at winning. So if you donate $50, you get 5 chances. $100 gets you 10 chances and so on.
- You can win more than one prize — so the more you donate, the more chances you have!
- To be eligible for prizes in the DONOR pool you simply need donate at least $10. To also be eligible for prizes in the DONOR+TRAINERROAD pool, you make a donation AND do all of your rides on Trainer Road (where your efforts will be recorded as proof that you completed the entire ToS). You’ll need a subscription to Trainer Road and a few bits of kit to make this happen. Learn more about TR here.
- Based on all donations made up to the end of the ToS on Feb 2nd, we will calculate the number of chances each rider has earned and which riders are also eligible for the DONOR+TRAINERROAD pool. Prizes will be drawn from all chances and then announced on February 7th.
DONOR PRIZE POOL
1 chance to win for every $10 USD donated to the Davis Phinney Foundation (Donate here >>)
- 1 x Thomson Bike Tours Trans-Pyrenees Challenge Trip — 500 miles and 50,000 feet of climbing!!! (Value $3895 USD. Airfare not included.) (Choice of either June 8-15 or Aug 24-31 trip)
- 1 x UCI Road World Championship jersey signed by 2012 World Champion Philippe Gilbert
- 3 x Tour de France edition eyewear from Oakley (TDF Radar Lock Path, TDF Radarlock XL Straight, TDF Fuel Cell)
- 1 x Autographed pair of pink ‘Giro d’Italia’ limited edition Giro shoes from US Pro Cyclist Taylor Phinney
- 3 x 30 days supply of PowerBar products + PB Cycling Kit and Water Bottle (Includes: 1 Perform power, 1 Recovery powder, 8 Performance bars, 4 Harvest bars, 4 ProteinPlus bars, 3 Energy Blast pouches, 6 PowerGel pouches, 6 Energy Blend pouches)
- 1 x 12-week custom training plan from Dig Deep Coaching
- 1 x personal nutrition consultation from Dig Deep Coaching by Rob van der Wurth (Nutritionist for the Argos-Shimano Pro Team)
- 6x Velopress books (2x Merckx 525, 2x Team 7-Eleven hardcover and 2x Land of Second Chances hardcover)
- 4 x sets of team-issue Pearl Izumi BMC Pro cycling kit (includes: jersey, bibshorts, socks, cap)
- 1 x set of team-issue Sky Pro Cycling kit from Rapha Racing (includes jersey and bibshorts)
- 2 x Giro Aeon helmets
- 4 x books (2 Feedzone and 2 Portables) by Biju Thomas & Allen Lim
- 2 x Superbodies book by Dr. Greg Wells
- 1 x set of team-issue Sufferlandrian National Team kit (includes: jersey, bib shorts, arm warmers, socks)
- 5 x One year digital subscription to Velo magazine
- 1x Richmond 2015 UCI World Champs Track Jacket and Jersey pack
- 4 x Quadlock bike mounts (either iPhone or Galaxy S4)
- 3 x Apres Velo premium t-shirts
- 1 x Stolen Goat Soigneur Limited Edition musette bag
- 4 x 6-month premium memberships from Strava
- 6 x Revelo products (3 belts, 3 credit card holders)
- 1 X Best of BALM Bundle (includes Soigneur Tempo, Morgan Blue Muscle Up, Raining Faith Sports Massage Soothing Rain Recovery Cream)
- 2 x Sufferfest National Team jerseys
- 3 x Sufferfest cycling cap + socks bundle
- 5 x Sufferlandria decal + tattoo sets
DONOR+TRAINER ROAD Pool
Requires ToS Completion on TrainerRoad. Then 1 chance to win for every $10 donated to the Davis Phinney Foundation.
- 1 x Garmin Vector power pedals
- 2 x Garmin Edge 510
- 2 x 16gb iPad Air
- 1 x Kurt Kinetic Road Machine
- 1 x Kurt Kinetic Rock and Roll
- 2 x Wahoo Fitness packs of BlueHR/BlueSC
- 1 x Wahoo Fitness pack of ANT+HR/SC
- 1 x Wahoo Fitness RFLKT pack
- 10 x TrainingPeaks 6-month Premium Subscriptions
- TrainerRoad is also giving 1 X 1 year subscription to TrainerRoad every day of the ToS to one lucky stage finisher
- 1x SportsCrafters Cadence rollers. MSRP $299
The best thing of the 2013 Tour of Sufferlandria (aside from the Suffering, that is) was the amazing community that developed on our Facebook ToS Event Page. Once again, leading up to the ToS, and every day during the Tour, the race staff will be providing updates at the Tour of Sufferlandria Facebook page. Davis Phinney, Connie Carpenter and some surprise celebrity riders and guests will be joining in. You can find that page here: https://www.facebook.com/events/245194695633439/ . ToS riders will also be posting questions, thoughts, photos, epic tales of daring and do, misery and agony. (If you don’t have a FB account, you’ll still be able to see the page, you just won’t be able to join in the fun.) You’ll also be able to follow progress on Twitter on our @TheSufferfest feed.
Stage 1 (1hr): Saturday, 25th January – Rubber Glove
‘Comfort’ was never going to be part of how the 2014 ToS opens. True, it has a fairly gentle start, during which you can warm-up, wave to the fans, tell the other riders that their dreams of the leader’s jersey have just gone up in smoke now that you’re riding, etc. This all ends, however, as you go through the most demanding 20 minutes of your entire life. A strong performance here will set the tone for what you need to do the rest of the race.
Stage 2 (2hrs): Sunday, 26th January – It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
The Minions feel that the Vuelta is simply too easy. However, we do like the fact that they throw mountains straight into the first week of the race. Ideally, you took the lead yesterday and today you’ll have to defend it in what promises to be a fiercely fought battle over four mountains and a fast run into the finish. Watch out for the Lava Snow on the prestigious climb of Mt. Sufferlandria.
Stage 3 (:45mins): Monday, 27th January – Revolver
The flattest and shortest stage of the ToS, this flat out circuit race will be a shock to the system after two days of long efforts. Any signs of significant weakness will begin to appear around lap 7…..
Stage 4 (1hr 20mins): Tuesday, 28th January – Hell Hath No Fury
The high speeds of Stage 3 give way to rolling hills and countless attacks today. The stage actually takes place over four segments that will ring every last bit of resolve out of you.
By this time, you’re going to be running on nothing but COURAGE. And you’re going to need plenty of it with the first double stage of the ToS. The route opens with cobbles and rolling hills before giving way to high alpine passes. The finish is about 5minutes from the top of the final climb and a downhill/flat finish will ensure that the strongest rider wins.
Stage 6 (1hr): Thursday, 30th January – A Very Dark Place
With only three more days ahead of you, today you could almost say you’d be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunately, today’s stage takes place in A Very Dark Place, so you’re not going to be seeing much of anything other than your stem.
The final day in the mountains features no less than four epic climbs. The first three are relatively short, but the fourth will find riders on their knees before the halfway point is even reached. A high-speed descent and flat finish will favour good descenders and attackers.
< Angels Course Profile Coming Soon>
Stage 8 (1hr 40mins): Saturday, 1st February – Blender
While other Grand Tours keep the riders on their road bikes, the ToS goes into new territory with a stage that requires MTB, Road, TT and Cyclocross bikes. Towels to wipe up your Tears of Despair will not be provided. DO NOT SPILL THE PAIN SHAKES.
Stage 9 (1hr 08mins): Sunday, 2nd February – Violator
By now, the leaders’ jersey should be firmly planted on your shoulders. Today’s finale, a flat, fast stage is a day for the sprinters. To make things more exciting for spectators, the Race Directors have given the stage 64 finish lines.
< Violator Course Profile Coming Soon>
Let me get this right: I ‘join’ the Tour of Sufferlandria just by doing the videos on the day I’m supposed to do them.
Yes. No need to ‘sign up’ or anything.
Is there a ‘winner’?
Whoever Suffers the most, wins. We will leave it to you to be the judge of whether you deserve to be a ToS Winner.
What was GvA thinking with the design of this route?
GvA thinks of little other than Suffering.
Do I have to have a Facebook account to be a part of the Tour?
No. You can just do the videos on the days. But that might be a little lonely — and the absolute best thing about the ToS is the community, fun and support you get from the ToS Page on FB. You’ll also get updates on Twitter, but it’s all going down on FB.
Do I have to donate to the Davis Phinney foundation to do the ToS?
No. But if you want to be eligible for prizes, yes.
Do I have to do it on Trainer Road?
No. But if you want to be eligible for the TRAINERROAD pool of prizes, yes.
Do I have to buy the Sufferfest videos?
It’ll be a bit boring if you don’t.
Is there a discount for buying the ToS videos?
Our videos are already as affordable as we can make them — they are incredible value for Suffering, so we’re not able to offer a discount.
Like our official ToS poster by Melbourne-based artist Gregory Baldwin?