Sufferfest Blog

Tour of Sufferlandria – Stage 8: Recap & Photos

After taking a battering in a 7th stage that will go down in history as being one EPIC MOTHER F&^%ER of a Stage, tensions were high amongst the riders. The aggression even spilled over into Twitter… But, come morning, the peloton rolled out of the start of Stage 8 (Blender) with a new peculiar, new-found confidence. Some riders even brought in reinforcements to their teams… Ahead lay nearly two hours of Pain Shakes, Minion Grinders and of course, PAIN, AGONY and MISERY! The question on everyone’s mind was… Coach Neal Henderson, the evil mastermind behind the design of Stage 8,

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Tour of Sufferlandria – Stage 7: Recap & Photos

No words can describe the PAIN, AGONY and MISERY witnessed by the Nation tonight. Tremendous displays of COURAGE, quickly followed by bouts of DESPAIR which were swept away by flashes of COURAGE and then washed through with DESPAIR and then pushed aside again by COURAGE and then….well, then that fourth climb began and….well, anyway, they will never be forgotten. For now, we will let the pictures do the talking of the carnage witnessed on the Greatest Ever Stage of the Greatest Grand Tour of a Mythical Country. Until the next one, that is.  

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Tour of Sufferlandria – Stage 6: Recap & Photos

At the start village on the morning of Stage 6, where riders were scheduled to head into a very dark place, the banter around the breakfast table was mixed. Downing Pain Shakes like someone was going to take them away, riders reflected on the transition stage ahead. Eventually, it was time to get up off the floor and face the race ahead…   The stage opened up nicely enough, with a few quick sprints to get things moving before a rider from the Astana team took off for the first real effort of the day. Bridging quickly, The Sufferlandrian appeared

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Tour of Sufferlandria – Stage 5: Recap & Photos

After a tough night in the Sufferlandrian hotel in Agonia… …the town clock, and countless smart phones, alerted riders that it was time to suit up and start again. And so it was with weary legs that the riders remaining in Tour of Sufferlandria pinned on numbers and prepared for the challenge of Stage 5. True to predictions, the race started fast straight from the gun, with the women driving the pace up and over countless small bergs that provided an appetizer for the true climbing that was to come. Once into the mountains, eternal attacker Tommy Voeckler once again

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Tour of Sufferlandria: Stage 4 Recap & Photos

There was drama at the beginning of Stage 4 of the Tour of Sufferlandria as the original Broom Wagon broke down. “Many dropped riders on early stages. We take them back to village. Broom Wagon very full every day. We think some Couchlandrians here,” said Race Director Grunter Von Agony at the start as he introduced the new broom wagon to the riders. “Do not much worry. He only eat weakness.” Riders were warned that dropped riders will be picked up by the broom wagon, but that safe passage to the finish line could not be guaranteed. With that, the

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Tour of Sufferlandria – Stage 3 : Recap and Photos

It was a rather perplexed Grunter von Agony who prowled the floor after Stage 3 of the Tour of Sufferlandria. “Mercy. I do not have it. I had look it up to know it,” Grunter was overheard saying to his Minions. “But I say, Stage 3, don’t too hard go on them. Give them rest. So I give them stage with HALF TOTALLY EASY PEASY SUPER WEEZEY EASY. The other half, yes, not so much easy. And what do riders do? THEY COMPLAIN AND WHINGE THAT IT TOO HARD. I say – half easy, half hard means medium stage, no?

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Tour of Sufferlandria – Stage 2 Recap & Photos

As Race Director Grunter von Agony looked on from his position at the finish village, it was a scene of complete and utter carnage at the end of the Tour of Sufferlandria’s Stage 2 “It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time.” Riders who had been so confident after their efforts on Stage 1 came across the line in tatters and quickly collapsed into the crushing arms of the Sufferlandrian Troll volunteers. The blank, shocked looks told stories without words of a terrible battle back out there on the road. With a forecast of Lava Snow on the upper

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Tour of Sufferlandria – Stage 1 Recap & Photos

As lactic acid rain came down over the town of Agonia, 2,366 Sufferlandrians from around the world began the first stage of the Tour of Sufferlandria. With a leisurely preamble through the town,  where Sufferlandrian flags flew from every home, the riders had a chance to reflect on the off-season, trade insults with each other and look forward to a glorious 9 day beating each other into the ground.”How fitting for the start of the tour!” said Jessica Gray. “Hungover, doing the tour in the middle of a split shift and it just started thunder and lightening!” As the pace

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The Tour of Sufferlandria has begun! Some race numbers.

<Walking to podium accompanied by The Speed Demon of Sufferlandria> <Clearing Throat> In honour of the start of the Tour of Sufferlandria and the more than 2,200 participants, may we ask all Riders, Sufferlandrians, Minions and Awestruck Onlookers — PLEASE RISE AND CHAMOIS DANCE FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM! http://www.reverbnation.com/sonsofgods/song/15728881-gotta-suffer We are pleased to announce the official start of the Tour of Sufferlandria. Stage 1, Rubber Glove, promises to ease you into the race before clubbing you over the head relentlessly, and then whacking you in the gut, knees and shins before kicking you to the curb, to make sure it’s

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Tour of Sufferlandria 2014 – The Beginning

My dear Sufferlandrians, We stand here, the 24th of January, on the eve of a historic event — the 2nd running of the Most Prestigious Grand Tour of a Mythical Country in the Whole Wide World. The Tour of Sufferlandria — a land near and dear to our bleeding hearts — is about to run. In less than 12 hours, the first Sufferlandrians closest to the International Date Line will take off to complete Stage 1. Over the next 52 hours (that’s how long a day really lasts on earth, you know), more than 2,250 Sufferlandrians will make their way

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